I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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