He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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