Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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