yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
