they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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