no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
time to smoke my breakfast
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
