birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
