I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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