I hope mine doesn't look like that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
