she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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