If i come over, it means nothing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
