We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
