I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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