Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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