i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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