well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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