Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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