So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
