I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
