I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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