Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
