the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
