Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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