that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize