I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
