I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
