I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
