Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
