Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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