I hate your face
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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