evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
