The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
