maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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