nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
