just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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