Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
