It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
