I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex on a roof
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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