Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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