remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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