i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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