he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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