he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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