Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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