he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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