This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
