Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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