i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
