"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Screwed.edu
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
