First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A+ Viking dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
