if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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