At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i out mim tonsoeep
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
