I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
