No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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