I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
