which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
