A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
