yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
