I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
that's an acceptable place to lick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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