You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
