i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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