if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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