Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
