why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
