meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
