im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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