So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
