I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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