im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
