I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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