drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
pop tarts are not kleenex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
