He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
