She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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