i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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