Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
