I hope mine doesn't look like that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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