Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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