So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
