Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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