She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
