God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
