Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
