also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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