wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
