You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
