I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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