Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
