Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
