No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
