it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
