I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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