tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
