She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
