Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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