my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
