and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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