Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
