I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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