You're earring is so big in my mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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