It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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