have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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