My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
