She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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