there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
