I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
