I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
