Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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