Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
